Dear Grails (the band) ,
I am writing you to discuss your show at the Rock and Roll hotel (a devilish name for a hotel) and ask you to put a stop to all “music” you are currently playing. I happened to be walking down H-street in Washington, DC last Friday when I heard a horrible racket coming from this said demonic establishment. I had walked by this place before (from across the street) and heard similar debaucherous tones that kids might call “music” these days but on this day of April the 22nd I was shattered to my bones with what I heard (or tried not to hear!)…. so I HAD to enter this temple of debauchery, face the sinning head-on and put a STOP to this!
Anyways, your first song of the set was a complete abomination, I could not comprehend why so many teenagers would want to expose their ears to this filth. The only conclusion I can come to is that you turned them into ZOMBIES!.
However, since I had my cross on I was immune to this insane orgy of unearthly pleasures and I continued to listen just so I could give a full and complete report to my divine pastor so he could take this and use his special powers to rid the earth of this BEAST!
Just when I thought the battle was over you brought out a slide guitarist who looked like a hobo. If you thought those hooligan kids were zombies before, they were on a whole new level of unholiness at this point in this concert. The way he slid up and down the guitar looked like a masturbating sphinx spawned from beelzebub. I will have none of this!
In the end, I resisted all temptation to enjoy this demented spectacle with your intricate eastern guitar influences, inapropriately spastic drum fills and violently howling (but meticulous) bass lines.
After the show I bought a CD, with what usually would be my donation money, only for some evidence to show the atrocities I heard. I also talked to one of the band members, the slide guitarist/drummer, and apparently he is in another band called Holy Sons( I bit my tongue when I heard this). How could such a sinner have the word “holy” in their band name… get a job!
I leave with a final note to you: If you continue to play this rechid music may you be struck down with great vengeance and furious anger for you are those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brethren.
Sincerely,
Ms. Caroline Wigginton XXV
Tags:
